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[personal profile] lauren3210
Hey everyone!

I kind of disappeared for a while there, I know. I had a few low days, and although I came back up easily enough, somehow it's always a bit difficult getting back into the rhythm of things, you know? And then the longer it goes on the harder it gets, and so on and so on, but yeah, basically I've been feeling a bit out of the world for a while, and this post is just me trying to push my way back in. So apologies if I've missed birthdays or not left comments on anything. Know that I have been reading your posts though, I've just been finding it hard to know what to say in comments and things.

I've just recently found out that my brother is moving to Australia! He goes next week, and although this first bit is only for three months, if he does the job well enough, they've already asked him to stay on permanently. He works for a computer technology firm based here in England, and one of their clients is an Australian business. The company that they used to outsource their trouble-shooting to has come to the end of their contract, and they want Joseph to go over there and facilitate the opening of an Australian office, so that they won't have to outsource at all in the future. So really, this is a big thing for Joe, a big promotion, because he'll pretty much be in charge, and I'm really happy for him, but I'm also really fucking devastated. He's my baby boy and I'm going to miss him so fucking much, and my girls love their uncles more than anybody else in the world, and I don't want them to go! Tyler is already sorting out his licencing (he's a personal trainer) so that he can work out there too, and the closer it gets to them leaving the more it looks like they won't be coming back, and I kind of really fucking hate Australia right now. I mean, have you seen the size of the spiders they have over there? Ugh.

My youngest child has recently decided that, for the moment at least, she is genderqueer. We're still using female pronouns at the moment, because she hasn't asked us not to, and I don't want to push her into anything she's not ready for. We've been having conversations about this for a while, because she has been saying for the longest time that she doesn't want to be a girl. The first time she mentioned it, she said, "I don't want to be a girl I want to be awesome," which led to us having a feminist movie marathon (starring Legally Blonde, because obviously) and reading lots of books and comics with awesome female characters (of which there are depressingly few), because I wanted her to know that she didn't have to make a choice between being a 'girl' and being 'awesome'. We can absolutely do both, no matter what the rest of society seems to think. But anyway, we've had conversations about whether or not she can play with guns (of course she can) or whether she has to wear pink (nope, not at all) or if she has to have long hair (not unless she wants to), and that seemed to settle her for a while, but then, my middle daughter had her first period. She's only 11, so it freaked her out a little bit, but she's fine with it now - but it also affected Imogen, I think because her older sister is so close to being a grown up that the idea of puberty didn't really make sense to her until she saw it happening to someone closer to her in age. And then she told me, quite emphatically, that she doesn't want to have periods, she doesn't want to grow breasts, and that the idea of having babies is literally terrifying to her (she actually had a panic attack about it, until I calmed her down enough to say that she didn't have to have babies even if she was a girl). She told me that she wants to be a boy, and that when she's older she wants to be a boy who marries another boy, "like uncle Joe and Tyler," and "so I guess one of your kids is gay, mama." She's picked out a name - Jack - and she has decided that there are times when she's going to be Jack, and times when she's going to be Imogen. She's been Jack for a full three weeks, until yesterday when she put on a dress because she "wanted to be pretty." She's agreed that we keep it to just at home for now, because, as she says, she might not want to be Jack forever, so we're just trying it out for now, to see if she likes it. So far, she does, and this morning she asked if she can have a boy's haircut, so we're doing that at the weekend. Whatever she wants to do; if she's happy, I'm happy, and that's all there is to it.

I had my bathroom redone last week! It's been nearly four years, since the sealant broke on our bath and water started dripping through into my kitchen and we haven't been able to have a stand-up shower since. And now we can! And it's so beautiful: huge black tiles on the wall with metal trim, a massive bath, a gorgeous waterfall showerhead that drenches you from head to toe the moment you step into it, and lovely non-stick wood flooring. Every time I look at it I want to cry, and I've been spending all my time obsessively cleaning it, haha!

I got the strangest comment on one of my fics recently. It was on Life is a Twice Written Scroll, which is a time travel fic, and the summary says quite clearly that it's about going back in time to fix mistakes, and the comment said:

"Okay i absolutely love this and its written brilliantly but i cant get over my moral issue with changing the past."

Like, I'm really glad you loved it, and that you thought it was well written, but how the bloody hell can you have a moral issue with an impossibility? It's like saying, 'I have a moral issue with fairies.' Well, that's alright, because they don't fucking exist, so don't worry about it. I just... have no idea what to say in reply to this.

And, I think that's it for an update? Not much has really been happening, lol, but I thought this might be a good way to ease myself back into my fandom routine. How's everyone else? Enjoying 2016 so far?
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