lauren3210: (Default)
Okay, so I'm meant to be writing, but I'm just so wound up that I feel like I could explode at any moment, so instead I'm coming on here to vent my frustrations. Um, sorry in advance?

Read more... )

On a slightly happier note, let me tell you something that Ben did over the weekend. He's a bit of a weirdo, okay, and there are times when I wonder who thought it was a good idea to give this overgrown child an actual medical licence. But anyway, on Sunday he decided to play a prank on our two youngest, by filling the water filter jug with weak lemon squash and insisting that it was in fact his own pee and then drinking it in front of them. Cue screams of disgust from everyone close by, followed by my 5y/o running off to find me, where she says, "Mama! Quick, take your [engagement] ring off, he's a very weird man!" Like, she was SO CONCERNED for me that I might actually marry a man who drinks his own pee, and desperately wanted to save me from the 'weird man'. I think I cracked a rib laughing.

Okay, venting over, and back to your usual viewing schedule.
lauren3210: (Default)
Hey everyone! *waves tiredly*

It feels like it's been forever since I last posted anything (although it's probably been closer to a few weeks), I've been SO BUSY OH MY GOD. But anyway, I have a week or so now to myself before going back to the grind, so I thought I'd take a few minutes to chat with you all!

life stuff )

I think that's it? I have yet to do any holiday shopping, so I know I'm going to be frazzled in a few weeks. Oh also, my tumbledryer has crapped out on me, so until the repairman gets here I'm stuck hanging everything over radiators, so my laundry is slow going, which sucks. But anyway! How is everyone else? Much love you you all ♥
lauren3210: (Default)
Hello lovely flisters! I'm desperately trying to find the time to finish writing my gift for [ profile] hd_erised as well as my gifts for [ profile] hd_owlpost, and I was wondering if someone would have the time to beta this little story for me? It's H/D (obviously), a little under 3k long, NC-17 rating, with some angsty post-war thoughts and emotions. My usual beta is currently working really hard on her own Erised entry as well as going through mine, and I don't want to have to ask her to fit this in as well, so any help would be greatly appreciated! I just need someone to point out any glaring errors, and basically tell me if it sucks or if it's okay.

Thanks in advance, and happy weekend! ♥
lauren3210: (Default)
Good Lord, it's been ages since I've posted on here! I have lots of reasons why, so I'm gonna tell you all about them, because why not?


I've been reading a lot, ever since my mum bought me a Kindle for my birthday. It took me a bit to get used to, because I'll admit it, I am a bit of a book snob - I prefer the weight of the book in my hands, the feel of the paper beneath my fingers, the smell of the pages as I turn them. I think it adds to the reading experience, that it grounds the thoughts and emotions a story takes you through in something tangible, real. I'm also a techno-failure; technological stuff tends to fail around me quite a bit, for no reason I can ever work out. HOWEVER, I've kind of fallen in love with my Kindle recently. Partly because it's so easy to get a new book and start reading it immediately (although my bank balance has protested that fact this month), and partly because LGBTQIAP+ fiction is so much easier to get ahold of. Bookstores tend to just keep a small collection in their one tiny little shelf, and I sometimes find Amazon hard to navigate to get to the stuff I want. But all these little Recommendations For You and links to Amazon Kindle buttons on Goodreads makes it a lot easier for me to find the type of stuff I'd like to read on my little Kindle. And over the past couple of weeks, I've read about 30 M/M fiction books! And it's been awesome.


I'm going back to lecturing next week! It's been two years since I've done it, as my overseeing professor went on a sabbatical to write her next book, but now she's back, which means I am too! I'm so nervous, but also really excited, because I get to sit around and talk about my favourite things for 12 weeks, and watch my students have their minds blown as we go through the course material. What do you MEAN Supernatural is a Christ Narrative? Listen and learn, little grasshopper. So yeah, for the next 3 months, I'm going to be chatting about Harry Potter, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Supernatural, and a load of other contemporary entertainment and their connection to Christianity. I can't wait to have our first little discussion about my own Atheism (it always comes up, and they're always so surprised, bless them).


[ profile] gracerene and I have just started up a very low key, hopefully very fun, online bookclub! I hope y'all will want to come and join in; we're starting in October, and we're gonna read a book a month, and then all get together to talk about it! Come and talk about books with us!


Unfortunately, I've kind of... stalled on my Erised fic. My main problem is that I'm not sure where it's leading, and while I'm used to writing that way, it usually helps if I have some idea, but this time there's nothing except for a few scenes I can see in my head. It's frustrating, so I tried to turn my hand to the few Owl Post gifts I've signed up for, and they're not working for me either. And then of course there's my original fiction, where I know how I want that to play out, but for some reason the words just won't come. I'm hoping that if I just leave it for a few days, I can get my head into the space of teaching again and then the words will just come to me whenever I have a break from that - it's worked in the past, so maybe I'll get lucky again? My recent bout of insomnia hasn't been helping either - it's been 10 days since I've had a decent night's sleep, and I'm about to lose my mind I'm so frustrated. Oh, well, can't be helped I guess!

So yeah, that's me. What have y'all been up to recently?
lauren3210: (Default)
I had an absolutely fantastic birthday! I was woken up with warm fresh croissants and a cup of tea, and then the family went to my best friend's house for the day. The kids all played together while we got drunk on Pimms in the garden, and after dinner us grown ups played poker together, and us girls beat the men into tiny balls of tears with our awesomeness, haha! Then the next day, we all went out for breakfast, and we headed over to my mum's for tea and cake - toffee fudge cake, my absolute favourite! I got some lovely presents, one of which was this watch:

Isn't it pretty?

BUT, without a doubt, the best part of my birthday was getting all the notifications from LJ during the day, and I honestly feel so lucky and blessed to have found such amazing, warm, kind, generous people such as you guys to populate my online life. Really, I was so blown away by you all, thank you so much for helping make my birthday a truly wonderful one <33333
Thanks yous )

Thank you all, you're such wonderful people, and I am overwhelmed at how lucky I am to have met you all! I love you <33
lauren3210: (Default)
Hello lovely flist! After having a bit of a post-holiday slump, today I woke up in a rather manic mood - high 4s to low 5s all day, with no sign of it stopping so far. So, as I'm trying to focus my energy and channel my mania into something easy and safe, I thought I'd share with you guys the kind of day I experience while in a highly manic episode!

Okay so, since waking up at 5 this morning, I have:

  • Scrubbed every inch of the bathroom

  • Cleaned the kitchen and bleached the baseboards

  • Washed, dried, folded and ironed 4 loads of laundry

  • Watched 14 episodes of Hawaii Five-0

  • Read two novellas on my Kindle

  • Washed the windows (outside and in) all around the bottom floor of the house

  • Hoovered all the upstairs carpets and mopped all the downstairs wooden flooring

  • Designed a new tattoo that I'm thinking I might put on my wrist

  • Written 2.5k of my Erised fic, plus 4k of another H/D fic I've been workng on

  • Changed all the bedding in the house

  • Defrosted and cleaned the fridge and freezer

All that, plus having an hour long chat with my best friend about our plans for my birthday on Saturday, dancing with my baby, having a Nerf War with my middle baby, and plotting out revision timetables with my eldest baby, AND I'M STILL NOT DONE. I wish I had something else to clean, but everything is bloody spotless, so, now I'm basically running across my Friend's Page and commenting on everything, as well as reblogging absolutely everything I see on Tumblr. I have so many tabs open that I can't actually see what any of them are they've all been shoved so close together, and now I'm vacillating between reading Steve/Bucky fanfic and Steve/Danno fanfic, because apparently I can't have enough ships.

Oh! Speaking of ships, today I also made a list of all the ships I ship enough to want to read fanfic about:

  1. Steve/Bucky (Marvel)

  2. Steve/Danno (Hawaii Five-0)

  3. Thorin/Bilbo (The Hobbit)

  4. Daniel Jackson/Jack O'Neill (Stargate: SG-1)

  5. John Sheppard/Rodney McKay (Stargate: Atlantis)

  6. Stiles/Derek (Teen Wolf)

  7. Dean/Castiel (Supernatural)

  8. Mike/Harvey (Suits)

  9. Arthur/Merlin (Merlin)

  10. Harry/Draco (obviously)

There are others I've read about, but I decided to only include the ones that I've expressly gone looking for because I needed that fix, but either way, I think 10 separate ships that each has the power to rip my soul out through my chest is enough to be going on with for now, right? It is possible that I might need an intervention...

BUT ANYWAY, YEAH. This is me in a highly manic phase, fun right? Has anyone ever seen the film Hoodwinked? Because my eldest daughter always laughs and says I'm like the squirrel who overdosed on caffeine when I get like this:

I kinda like it tbh, because I get a lot of things done, I feel great about EVERYTHING, plus I manage to talk really really fast without stuttering, which is something I can't do on normal/lower days.

Aaaaand I'm gonna go now, byeeee!
lauren3210: (merthur)
I feel as though I have been away for ages and ages, but I'm back now, so I thought I'd tell you all about what's been keeping me away. :)

Computers hate me... )

holidayyyyyy )

Fest talk )

So yeah, that's been me the past couple of weeks, and now I'm going shopping for school supplies and try to catch up on all the laundry I still have left to do, and dye my hair again because all the swimming in the sea washed out the hot pink colour so now I'm a vaguely orangey-blonde and it's hella weird. I think I'll go violet next...

Hope y'all are having a great weekend! <3
lauren3210: (merthur)

Okay, as you all know, Make My Demons Run was my submission for this year's smoochfest! I LOVED writing this, guys, just so, so much. I love music, especially songs that tell an epic story, and I was so excited when I saw the prompt given for a story to be written based on two of Metallica's most epic songs: Unforgiven I, and Unforgiven II. James Hetfield wrote the first song about himself, about how he still feels complicit in the religious reasonings of his parents that led his mother to her death, in the ensuing alcoholism and anger issues that he dealt with and pushed his relationship with his wife to the edge. Perfect for Draco, right? The second song is about moving on from those mistakes, about accepting that while what he has done in the past may be unforgivable, that doesn't mean that there is no future for him. It's about learning that other people also have things in their past that they feel are unforgivable too. It's about realising that unforgivable doesn't mean unlovable, that it doesn't mean the end of everything. What a great tie-in to Harry and Draco, don't you think?

I don't usually plan my stories out much when I write them. I tend to start off with a vague scene in my head that encapsulates the prompt I'm working from, and then I work out how to get there while I'm writing. Sometimes I write out a vague bullet-pointed plotline, but what I end up with rarely even vaguely resmbles what I started with (also the word count somehow ends up way higher than I predicted). But this fic was different, because it spoke to me on such a personal level. I too have things in my past that I can't forget, things that I can't forgive myself for. There are times when I too think that I'm not deserving of the love my family and friends give to me, times when I sometimes stop and wonder how I could have just moved on from those things because how could I think that I have the right? I think we all have moments like that in our past, albeit maybe not to the extent of either Draco's or what Hetfield thinks about himself.

So this fic became very important to me, not just on a personal level, but also in regards to how I feel about the character of Draco Malfoy, and the ways in which I think Harry may have reacted in the aftermath of the war. These two songs became questions about these boys in my head: How would Draco feel about the things he knew to be right but never acted upon? Would Harry think about some of the things he'd had to do and hate himself for them? And while I thought about these questions, thoughts of how I could express that through the reimagining of these two songs began to form.

So, I've written this “DVD Commentary”, for anyone interested in seeing my thought processes as I wrote this story.

DVD Commentary )

lauren3210: (stucky steve)
Ohmygod, I haven't written a proper post in ages, and I've been so enormously busy, but a thing happened earlier today and I just had to come and tell you all about it, so!

It was my kids' last day of school today before their break up for the summer holidays, and my little brother came up to spend a few days with us and surprise the kids when they get home. So, me and Joseph are in the kitchen while I'm making dinner, chatting away about stuff I can't even remember, and I say to him, "I'm telling mum you wear her drapes." Which is just a stupid Avengers joke and not even all that funny, but for some reason it makes Joseph crack up laughing, and then suddenly he's choking on a piece of carrot. So I start screaming for Ben (because I panic in emergencies, I'm terrible with them, please never have one near me because you'll probably die) and he comes running out of the shower, still with shampoo in his hair, skids into the kitchen and performs the heimlich maneuver. The piece of carrot shoots across the room, and I lean in close, holding Joseph's face in my hands because he's bright red and crying, and I ask if he's okay, and he says, "I'd be better if your husband's cock wasn't jammed up against my arse," and THAT'S when Eryn, my eldest child, opens the front door and walks in, with about five of her friends from school. So there we are, my brother bright red in the face with tears streaming down his cheeks, Ben completely naked and covered in suds and holding onto him from behind, and me stroking Joseph's face and breathing really hard, and Eryn just looks at us, then at her friends - who are all just standing there staring at us - and she says, "this is actually a tame day for them, wait til you see what they're like when they're drunk," and then she backs them all out and shuts the door again.

So basically, does anybody fancy becoming a member of my family? Because I'm almost certain that there'll be an opening once Eryn gives up on us and refuses to admit to having a family quite this embarrassing.

What even is my life.


Jul. 6th, 2015 09:36 am
lauren3210: (merthur)
I was wondering if anyone on my flist would like to volunteer to beta read my [ profile] hd_eighthyear fic for me? My usual beta has been very quiet for a while, and I don't want to disturb her if she's busy with RL things, so I could really use someone to go over this fic for me, if anyone feels inclined? It's almost done, and it's about 7k long (which is fairly short for me, yay!), and I just need someone to go over it and point out any mistakes I may have missed in my readthroughs. Thanks in advance! <3
lauren3210: (merthur)
I was tagged by the lovely [ profile] besamislabios! I'm going to try and think of things that aren't obvious, because everyone already knows that things like my family, friends, and reading stuffs make me happy :D

  1. Summer. It's like I need sun in my life to feel good about everything, you know? Like today, I haven't slept in almost 3 days, I have a cough that keeps threatening to bring up a lung every thirty seconds, and my head is pounding. But, it's the hottest day of the year so far, and all I feel is happy. The sun is shining, the garden looks beautiful, and I just feel so great. Summer, it just does stuff to me!

  2. Music. I'm the kind of person who always has music playing in the background. Sometimes it's the kind of stuff I like the most, rock bands and the like, but sometimes I like listening to anything I can get my hands on. I just love it.

  3. TV series rewatches. Every so often, I just want to watch something I already know off by heart, and just sink into it. Most recently, I've rewatched Stargate: SG1, Stargate: Atlantis, and House; M.D. I'm thinking Buffy the Vampire Slayer might be next on my list...

  4. Sleeping. I love sleep, can't get enough of it. I would grab myself a nap every afternoon if I could.

  5. Cooking and getting it right. I'm a fairly mediocre cook, although that's probably because I never bother with stuff like weighing and timing, you know, the important stuff. But sometimes it doesn't matter, and I manage to produce something perfect. On Saturday, we took the kids strawberry picking, and managed to come home with 5kg of the bloody things. So I made jam, which is something I've never done before. I didn't bother looking for a recipe, and yet still it came out PERFECT. I was so shocked and happy, I immediately called my mother to show off, because she's always had problems getting strawberry jam to set. So yeah, that was fun, and it made me very happy!

Um, I'm pretty sure that almost everybody on my flist has already been tagged to do this, so instead, how about anybody who hasn't and wants to jump on, do it and say I tagged you?
lauren3210: (Default)
I'm looking for someone to be an Alpha reader for an original story I have been working on, and I wondered if any of my lovely flisters would be kind enough to volunteer? Let me tell you a little bit about it, to see if it interests any of you :D

The Story:

It's a crime thriller, so there is some blood and gore, some of which is contained in crime scenes, some that happens to the main characters. It's also an M/M romance, although the 'romance' aspect kind of takes a back seat in favour of exploring the ways in which the two characters connect with each other.

My Progress:

I have 10 chapters (roughly 40k in total) pretty much ready to go, with another 4 chapters in need of some serious editing, plus another 8-10 chapters mapped out. I'm expecting the story to end up somewhere between 90-100k once it's finished.

What I want:

I'm not looking for SPaG or anything like that. What I want is opinions, on everything from plot development to characterisation, to story structure. I want someone to tell me what works, what doesn't, what's almost there but needs something extra. I also want someone who isn't going to be afraid to be completely honest with me, and isn't going to pull their punches when telling me what they think - I promise you I can handle it, even if you ultimately tell me that it's awful and I should stop immediately before I hurt someone.

If anyone thinks they might have both the time and inclination to help out with this, I would be eternally grateful. I do already have two readers, one writer and one book-blogger, but I really would like someone from within the slash-reading world to give me their thoughts, to round it out. Let me know in the comments if you think you might like to help, and we can talk more!

Love y'all! <3
lauren3210: (merthur)
It's been a little while since I've talked about stuff going on in my life, so here's a quick update! :D

Writing stuffs )

tv stuffs )

Summer time! )

So yeah, that's me recently. What have y'all been up to?
lauren3210: (merthur)
Okay so, I was trawling through the prompts list for a couple of fests yesterday, and I noticed that on quite a few of them, people have listed pet names being used between their OTPs as a squick/dislike. And then last night, instead of sleeping as I should have been doing, I found myself laying awake and trying to decide where I fall on this kink. Thinky thoughts under the cut!
click here, cupcakes! )

So, what do you all think about pet names? Hate them? Love them? Like to be specific? Inquiring minds want to know!

omg hi!

May. 28th, 2015 04:16 pm
lauren3210: (stucky steve)
Wow, it feels like it's been forever since I last posted! May is always a hella busy time for me work wise, and I've been up to my eyeballs in last minute edits, printing meltdowns and marketing fiascos, but I'm beginning to see a light at the end of the tunnel, so yay! I've still got to finish betaing a fic for a friend and I'm gonna get right on that, but first, I thought I'd give a quick update on what's been happening with me!

Best Day Evah )

Post social anxiety whinging )

Writing stuffs )

Oh, and while I'm here, how proud am I to be Irish right now? It's SUCH a big deal, because this is a country that still tries to ban abortions in hospitals on religious grounds, so focussed are they on the rules of Catholicism. This is the country that my uncle had to leave because he was gay, the country that my grandmother had to leave because she fell pregnant out of wedlock. So for the entire country to recognise that love is love is love, and that it should all be celebrated no matter whom it's between, is such a wonderful thing. I'm so proud of my entire heritage right now tbh.

So, that's me! Hopefully I'll have some time to come on here and read and comment a bit more come June! Hope everyone else is doing well! <3
lauren3210: (Default)
So, for those of you who read my post last week, I thought I'd give an update on what's been happening with my daughter's school. On Friday, I spoke with her head of house, Mr. A. It was only a brief chat, but he said that it would probably be fine, as long as she wore her hair down to cover it. Yay, I thought. Success! Then, later in the day, I get a call from my daughter, who is totally distraught. Following the advice of Mr. A, when asked by another teacher if she'd taken the piercing out, she said yes. Mr. W then demanded that she lift her hair to show him, to prove it. She said no, she doesn't have to show him any part of her body if she doesn't want to. He replied that if a member of staff tells her to do something she is to do it, without question. Now, guys, I'm just not having that, so when she called me in a panic, I asked her to hand me over to this Mr. W, with whom I had a bit of a chat, that basically amounted to me telling him that if he came within 10 feet of my daughter ever again, I would make sure the entire board of governors and the police know of his proclivity for telling teenage girls to do whatever he says without question. I mean, really, NO. Not acceptable behaviour, Mr. W. (and also, why are you even here, you don't even teach my daughter.)

So anyway, this morning, Eryn goes off to school with her hair down, but it turns out that this prick hasn't let it go, and so now her head of house and her head of year have decided that she must either remove the piercing, or stay in isolation until such time that the piercing has healed enough for her to remove it for the school day. So I get a phone call from Mr. A this morning, telling me of their decision, and I tried really fucking hard, I really did. I explained my stance on their forcing my child to choose between her right to her own body and her right to an education, I brought up the fact that other students come into school wearing jewellery and make up and hair dye without being taken out of classes for it. But, they refused to budge. And then he asked me what I was going to do about it. So, I told the fucker that I was going to leave the decision up to my daughter, because unlike him and the other two middle aged white men, I don't actually try to take control over my daughter's right to choose what happens to her.

And of course, my intelligent, beautiful, wonderful daughter chooses her education over her piercing. She could have stayed in isolation, could have sat in a room on her own and worked quietly on her schoolwork and kept the piercing she so desperately wanted, but she chose not to, because she knew that she wouldn't get the full educational experience without her teachers there to help her. I would have chosen the opposite; I would have sat in that class and stared them down, because I am and always have been a stubborn cow. And I just feel so bad for her, because she's being discriminated against because she's a good girl, a good student. They don't bother with the ones who walk into class with their faces done up like they're off on a night out clubbing, because they know they would be like me and wouldn't give in. They pick their battles, and they knew my daughter was one they could win, and I feel literally sick with rage. Because I remember it, I remember wearing the simple Claddagh ring that came from a time when my parents were still married, I remember the teacher insisting I take it off and give it to her, I remember the feeling of utter powerlessness, the frustrated hopelessness that comes with being put in a situation where you can do nothing other than bend to another person's will. It's been twenty years, and I can still remember that feeling, like a sick hot burn in my chest. And do you know what it feels like? It feels exactly like the time I was sexually assaulted in my own home, by someone I thought I could trust.

And yeah, it's only a piercing, only a piece of jewellery, and that's how I've tried to play it off to Eryn. I've told her that the very second her last exam is over, I will take her to get all the piercings she wants, we'll dye her hair blue like she wants, and she can walk back into that school and tell them exactly where they can shove their arbitrary rules. But it's not just a piercing, not to her. It's a part of her, a choice she made about herself that society (and by society I mean middle aged white men) has told her she's not allowed to make. And I wish I could tell her that it's a one off, that it won't happen again, that as soon as she's away from that school and in a place that won't treat their students like naughty puppies to be smacked on the nose for pulling at their leash, it'll be over. But I can't. I can't, because she's a female, and these hits are just going to keep on coming, and our schools seem determined to keep that as the status quo.

And now I need to go hit something forever. Ugh.
lauren3210: (merthur)
Because everyone is doing it and it looks like fun and I'm bored, so why not? Get as personal or as random as you like, y'all know how I love to share :D
lauren3210: (Default)
Because everyone else is doing it, and I'm taking a break from betaing, so why not? Shamelessly stolen from absolutely everyone, but mainly [ profile] kitty_fic, because she did it first. (At least on my flist, anyway.)

memes memes memes )

Ah yeah, have a peek into my particular brand of crazy, it's such fun being me sometimes, haha! Love you all, my flisters! <3
lauren3210: (merthur)
Do you ever get so angry that you feel completely impotent with rage, and you end up wanting to cry with frustration? Because sometimes I do. Most of the time I can shrug things off and not let them bother me, because I'm able to tell myself that there's nothing I can do to change the situation and that getting upset only hurts myself, so why bother. But then, there are times when I get so angry that my hands shake and my palms itch with the need to strangle someone with my bare hands. Read on for the source of my rage:

the British school system sucks ass )

misogynistic tv shows are misogynistic and also homophobic )

Phew, I feel slightly better now! Sorry for the rant, guys, hopefully y'all are having a better day than I am! :D
lauren3210: (merthur)
It feels like ages since I've posted anything! I've been busy writing fics for all the fests I signed up to, but I've also been feeling a little bit down recently. Nothing too serious, I just haven't been my usual, slightly manic self. I long ago came to the realisation that one of the worst things about bipolar disorder is that there's never any logical reason for the mood swings, but that doesn't stop me from getting frustrated with myself over it. So I did what I usually do when this happens, and retreated into fiction, and this time I chose to rewatch a lot of past favourite series. And that led me to some thinky thoughts on the different ways I ship, so I'm going to ramble on about that under the cut:

come ramble with me )

In other news, I've finished writing my last fest fic! It's sitting with a friend right now, who will hopefully tell me in a few days where it's shit and where it's not so bad, and then I can hand it in and I'm done! Do you know, I have written SIX stories so far this year? The word count for all of them adds up to over 100k, good God. Thankfully though, I now have a little time to let my fingertips grow back, so yay for that!

In other other news, my eldest turned 15 last week! I kind of hate it, because a second ago I had this red faced squalling little bundle in my arms, and suddenly there's this young woman in front of me, with boobs bigger than mine and a penchant for piercings. Which was one of her birthday presents: she got an industrial scaffolding piercing in her ear, so now she has a massive bar sticking across it. It looks good, actually, and I'm now thinking about having it done myself. The next body modification on her list is a lip piercing, but she has to wait until she leaves school to get that, so I have a little breathing room. Who the fuck said kids were allowed to grow up? Someone make it stop, because I don't like it!

Anyway, merry month of May to my flisters, I'm really enjoying reading all your daily updates! <3
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