lauren3210 | Family Stuff

I've just come out of an argument with my husband, and I just really need to get it all out, so today LJ is gonna be my personal therapist.

Our eldest daughter is nearly 15 and, over the past year, she has been slowly moving her way into adulthood and all that that entails. She's just started her periods, she's beginning to notice boys - and girls - and she's started the teenage thing they all go through; she's becoming secretive. Fairly recently, she had a 'boyfriend', and they went out together for a whole 6 weeks! She told me all about it; he's 17, he goes to her school, and they spend time together during her extra curricular drama sessions - he plays the guitar for when she's practising her vocals. Their fleeting relationship was a very immature thing (not meant as an insult); they only actually went out together once, and that was in a group setting. And she only told her dad all of this last night, which started the argument today.

He was very angry that I hadn't told him, insisting that he has a right to know in case something happens and she needs him. I was adamant in my position, which was that she doesn't have to tell either of us anything, and that I am just grateful that she still chooses to come to one of us with these things. I said I wasn't going to betray her trust because I want it to continue; I want her to feel able to come to one of us at any time, to discuss absolutely anything, and I wasn't going to jeopardise that just so he knew what was going on. I asked that he trust me to know when to come to him if the situation warranted it.

Of course, when met with a well reasoned argument, he reacted as he always does, which is to say he shouted and swore while I cried angry tears and told him he could fuck right off. And now, he's calmed down, realised he was overreacting and is back to his usual puppy self, while I'm struggling to get the adrenaline out of my system.

God, I hate men sometimes. And it is a man problem, because the reason why he wants to know is so that he can take care of anything that could potentially go wrong for our daughter, like he's the only one who could sort any problem out, what with him being the man of the house and I'm just a ~~woman. Like I can't be trusted to analyse situations with our children because of my tiny feminine brain. And now i'm kind of wobbling between wanting to fall asleep for hours and wanting to strangle him with his bloody tie. Ugh.

Okay, end rant.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Oh, dear, I'm sorry to hear about this. I agree, it's good that she is able to talk to you about this and it's important not to break that trust. I hope he remembers that long term.

Thanks <3 He's calmed down enough now to realise that, yes. The trouble is, he can be a bit paranoid sometimes, and so he takes it a lot more personally than he should; it's not him that she didn't want to tell, but the persona of dad which for her is a little different. But he gets it now, I think. I just hope he remembers it for when the next two girls get to this age, haha!

Arguments and fights are the worst, I hate them. If she doesn't feel like she can trust either of you, then she won't talk at all - which would he prefer?

I also imagine his response, whilst completely OTT, was partly to do with the fact that his baby girl is now old enough to have boyfriends and go out on dates etc. I don't know if any parent, especially dads with daughters, likes having that realisation.

I'm not trying to condone his behaviour - I do think it was OTT and totally unhelpful.

I hope you're both talking now and he's being a bit more reasonable about it. How are you feeling? <3

That's exactly what I said to him. Surely it's better that one half of our parental unit knows what's going on in her life, rather than none?

And yeah, I'm sure a lot of it is down to her being his little girl, which I actually think is half the reason why she didn't tell him in the first place. She wants him to keep on thinking about her like that, but her snogging boys isn't a part of that image.

And yeah, he's realised now that he overreacted a bit, although he's still unhappy that she doesn't seem to want to share with him. But that's his problem, one he has to deal with without trying to shoulder the blame onto others (ie, me, lol). I'm okay now, thanks. But it is a bit of an adrenaline rush when we argue like that, because he's a really big guy, and although he'd never hurt me (like, never ever), his shouting can sometimes set off an anxiety attack for me because I don't like loud noises. But yeah, I'm feeling a lot better now, thank you sweetie! <3

I'm sorry this is happening to you. I truly hope he realises he's acting, well, he's acting pretty badly about this whole thing. *hugs*

Thank you darling! *squishes you*

Yeah, he's realised he was being unreasonable now. I think he mainly just panicked over the proof that his baby is growing up, and it came out as anger directed towards me. But yeah, he's feeling a bit sheepish now, so I might milk it a bit and get him to do stuff for me. I think a nice back rub... LOL! <3

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