Rectober Post No. 4!

[lauren3210]

banner by raitala


Fandom: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Pairing: Steve/Bucky (Stucky)


As before, feels, fic and vids under the cuts!


So, I have a confesion to make: I've never read the comics, or any comics for that matter. I fail so badly at art that it's just not a medium that speaks to me. I wish I could appreciate it more, understand it, get things out of it that others clearly do, and I'm so disappointed in myself that I can't. I mean, I can look at a painting, and think, "wow, that's gorgeous, this artist has mad skills," and I can appreciate the sheer talent and hard work and soul that goes into a piece of art, but for me personally, I know I should get more out of it than that, but I just don't, and I know that's something lacking in myself. But, we can't have everything, I guess. All this is really just a long winded way of saying that when I ship these two, I do so only in the form of the MCU universe, with the faces of Chris Evans and Sebastian Stan painted on my eyelids. Which is a very pretty picture to be honest, so I'm not all that cut up about it.

I think most people have watched the movies, or seen the cartoons, or at least know something about Captain America and his sidekick Bucky, so I won't go into all of that here, like I have in previous rec posts. I'll be honest, I wasn't a huge fan of Captain America: The First Avenger, and for a couple of reasons. A lot of my older family members had quite a rough go of it during WWII, and it's kind of a taboo subject in the house that I grew up in. The "we don't talk about the war" mentality has kind of stuck with me, and so I tend to instinctively shy away from any narrative set during that time. So watching the first movie wasn't a very comfortable experience for me due to that, and I mainly just watched to complete the set. But really, Captain America just isn't my sort of hero; he's too... All American Hero, which is totally the point of his persona, but heroes in general have never been the type of characters that I am instinctually drawn to. I much prefer the arrogance of Tony Stark, the dark past of Hawkeye, even the petulance of Loki, to the Guy Who Always Does The Right Thing trope. It's just a personal preference, but it kind of stopped me from shipping anything in the first movie.

But then I watched The Avengers, and I realised that (despite the God line which, really Joss? Come on, I know you can do better than that) while Captain America might not be my type of character, it was possible that Steve Rogers might be. Also there was that crazy hot tension between him and Tony Stark and hello ship. I was on board the good ship Stony, and I really thought I'd be there for life. And then Captain America: The Winter Soldier happened, and the rest is history.

Because while Steve Rogers could be my type of character, Bucky Barnes in his Winter Soldier persona oh so definitely is. He has absolutely everything, from his tragic past all the way down to his looks (I have a thing for longish dark hair and blue eyes okay, don't judge me). Bucky isn't just damaged, he's broken, and there's truly nothing I love more than broken boys - I even married one. And the thing is, seeing Bucky and all the ways in which he's suffered, it made me realise that Steve too is a little bit broken, and it was at that point that I realised there was no going back for me.

So this is why I ship them. It isn't just the parallels of ice and sleep and loneliness and going through the motions even while they're missing something almost vital to survive, although those are a big part of it. It's that it's only in the other's presense that we see the 'real' Bucky and Steve - Bucky goes along with Hydra's commands without question, but one single second spent near Steve and he starts fighting back, the real Bucky struggling to reach the surface. Steve tries to put on a brave face with Natasha and Sam, but he can't even begin to summon it up when he's around Bucky. These two look after each other, save each other, and bring out the most important parts of each other, and it's just the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.

Here, have some gifs while I try to stop sobbing my heart out:

(still sobbing)


(pretty sure i might die from feels)


(i think this is actually making it worse)


(i don't know why this one is so big but dear god look at his faaaaaace)


(no this is awful)


(okay no, I need something to make me stop crying)


(i wish this helped more than it did)

And now I need to go drown myself in a massive bottle of wine and cry myself to sleep.

I've only been reading for this pairing since August this year, but I've already managed to collect quite a few awesome Stucky fics that either tear my heart out and leave it laying in a dejected heap on the floor, or make me laugh so hard I think I might damage something important, and oh, so many hot smutty ones that I literally have to look away from before something embarrassing happens. The one thing I have noticed in my fic searches, is the sheer ingenuity of some of the writers in this fandom, so I'm reccing something that I think really represents that:

Fic Rec/ Art Rec:

Title: Steve Rogers at 100: Celebrating Captain America on Film
Author: Various
Rating: G
Word count: ~10,000
Warnings: you might actually burst something reading this
Summary: Steve and Bucky find out Hollywood has been busy since they went away. A historical survey, including but not limited to: one set of exploded genitals, a brief interlude in France, Mel Gibson and other masterworks of casting, eight Academy awards, several dinosaurs, and something Tony Stark has ominously dubbed “the masterpiece.” Art included.

Why I like it: Mainly, because it's fucking hilarious, I actually almost peed myself while reading, because dear Lord, the things these writers came up with, I can't even begin to describe. It's rated G, and the ship aspect is actually incredibly light in this fic, so it's totally readable even for people who really don't like this pairing. Basically, when Tony Stark realises Steve and Bucky have missed out on a lot of movies since they both fell into the ice, he decides to set that straight. What follows is a look at all the different Captain America films, in the form of research theses, blog posts, and the occasional excerpt from each 'movie'. It's brain shortingly funny, and there's some amazing art that goes with it. I seriously urge everyone to take a look, I promise you won't regret it!

Excerpt:

He turns his back to her, gazing off into the distance. “Don’t try to talk me out of it,” he says without emotion. “I have to do it. But... this may be the last time we see each other.”

“Don’t say that,” Peggy cries.

“Whatever you say, sweetheart, it won’t make a difference.”

“Steve,” Peggy whispers, “I’m pregnant. You’re going to be a father.”

Shocked, Captain America falls to his knees, his face a mask of anguish. He presses his face against her belly, which is covered by her high-waisted, bell-bottomed uniform trousers.

**

“Was I even in that one?” Bucky asks, grabbing the DVD case and scanning the back for clues.

“I don’t know,” Steve says. “I fell asleep.”

I haven't watched an awful lot of these, because every time I try, I just end up drowning in my own tears and I have to stop for the sake of my sanity BUT, I do have one that I think encapsulates the feel of these two together, and subtly brings out all the ways in which they're similar, and all the ways in which they're both broken, and I just love it:

Vid Rec:
Steve/Bucky: Remembrance
Vidder: SecretlyToDream
Music: Remembrance, by Balmorhea

Wow, this was a slightly more traumatic experience than I thought it would be! I may have got carried away with my feels there, sorry about that! See you in the next post!