Oh, those are very interesting questions, and ones I'm not sure I could ever answer completely, to be honest. But I'll give it a try.
According to my therapists, I have undiagnosed Aspergers (undiagnosed, because it was much less of a thing when I was growing up). I was put through a battery of tests as a child, with lots of people wondering if I was Autistic, and I do have some characteristics of it; I don't like making eye contact, I don't like when people touch me, I get very focused on one thing to the exclusion of everything else. But eventually the doctors decided that I just had "autistic tendencies", and left it at that. I'm also bi-polar, diagnosed at the age of 15, which again was a bit of a kerfuffle to diagnose, because I also share a lot of traits with Borderline Personality Disorder.
Because of these things, I have a certain way of looking at life. I don't have a wide circle of friends, because I find it hard to let people get close to me, both physically and emotionally. I have been with my husband for 11 years, and I still stiffen up when he touches me, and my kids have grown up knowing that they need to ask and/or show me that they're about to touch me before they climb on me for a cuddle. It was very difficult for my eldest, because I was 18 when she was born, and I hadn't yet worked out how to deal with all of these issues and get others around me to help with that. Because of that, Eryn has trouble letting others get close to her, too, something that she very much picked up from my reactions when she was young.
So, I have a very small collection of people that I have let close to me, and once someone enters that circle, I am forever loyal to them; it's my way of paying them back for accepting me. I love these people with all of my heart and would do anything for them, but I do find it hard to care about the people outside of that circle. I am extremely protective of the people I care about, and if it ever came down to a choice between their safety and that of someone else, I wouldn't hesitate to save them, regardless of what that would mean for the other person.
There are other reasons, ones that I'm not sure I could articulate very well, but I think this sounds very Slytherin to me; at least, in my interpretation of the Slytherin characters. I understood completely why Snape protected Harry even though he hated his very existence, and I understood why Draco tried to kill Dumbledore, and I understood why Pansy tried to offer Harry up. While I might not have done the same things, I could understand the reasons behind their actions so well, and I personally identified with those kinds of actions far more than I identified with Harry sacrificing himself. I could never have done something like that, but I could see myself, under other circumstances, doing something similar to what the Slytherin characters find themselves doing.
Hopefully, this answer doesn't put everyone off being friends with me! One of the reasons why I love fandom so much is that I find it easier to become close to people while still using the internet as a barrier. It's just... sometimes I need that, and it doesn't mean I don't care about any of the people I have met through the internet; I actually find it easier to connect with people in this form. Does that make sense? Does any of this make sense? I'm not really sure, lol.
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Date: 2014-10-27 12:01 pm (UTC)According to my therapists, I have undiagnosed Aspergers (undiagnosed, because it was much less of a thing when I was growing up). I was put through a battery of tests as a child, with lots of people wondering if I was Autistic, and I do have some characteristics of it; I don't like making eye contact, I don't like when people touch me, I get very focused on one thing to the exclusion of everything else. But eventually the doctors decided that I just had "autistic tendencies", and left it at that. I'm also bi-polar, diagnosed at the age of 15, which again was a bit of a kerfuffle to diagnose, because I also share a lot of traits with Borderline Personality Disorder.
Because of these things, I have a certain way of looking at life. I don't have a wide circle of friends, because I find it hard to let people get close to me, both physically and emotionally. I have been with my husband for 11 years, and I still stiffen up when he touches me, and my kids have grown up knowing that they need to ask and/or show me that they're about to touch me before they climb on me for a cuddle. It was very difficult for my eldest, because I was 18 when she was born, and I hadn't yet worked out how to deal with all of these issues and get others around me to help with that. Because of that, Eryn has trouble letting others get close to her, too, something that she very much picked up from my reactions when she was young.
So, I have a very small collection of people that I have let close to me, and once someone enters that circle, I am forever loyal to them; it's my way of paying them back for accepting me. I love these people with all of my heart and would do anything for them, but I do find it hard to care about the people outside of that circle. I am extremely protective of the people I care about, and if it ever came down to a choice between their safety and that of someone else, I wouldn't hesitate to save them, regardless of what that would mean for the other person.
There are other reasons, ones that I'm not sure I could articulate very well, but I think this sounds very Slytherin to me; at least, in my interpretation of the Slytherin characters. I understood completely why Snape protected Harry even though he hated his very existence, and I understood why Draco tried to kill Dumbledore, and I understood why Pansy tried to offer Harry up. While I might not have done the same things, I could understand the reasons behind their actions so well, and I personally identified with those kinds of actions far more than I identified with Harry sacrificing himself. I could never have done something like that, but I could see myself, under other circumstances, doing something similar to what the Slytherin characters find themselves doing.
Hopefully, this answer doesn't put everyone off being friends with me! One of the reasons why I love fandom so much is that I find it easier to become close to people while still using the internet as a barrier. It's just... sometimes I need that, and it doesn't mean I don't care about any of the people I have met through the internet; I actually find it easier to connect with people in this form. Does that make sense? Does any of this make sense? I'm not really sure, lol.