Sometimes life doesn't hand you lemons, it pelts you with them until you start bleeding internally..

[lauren3210]

I've been writing a book the past few weeks. For the first time in ages, I had the entire story mapped out in my head from start to finish, and every time I sat down to write, I knew exactly what I wanted to say and how to say it. I've been optimistic that THIS would be the time I would actually finish an original story. It was going great, I had 60k words written, and I was on the home stretch... and then Ben borrowed my laptop and closed down the word doc WITHOUT saving it, and now the entire thing is gone. SIXTY THOUSAND WORDS. Thinking about it even now is like a punch to the gut.

We took our kids to see my parents, because they came close to us on their new narrow boat, and my middle daughter fell backwards off the boat onto the tow path, and gave herself a concussion.

My eldest daughter is so stressed about her upcoming exams because the bloody school won't let her stay home for study leave that we had to rush her to hospital on Friday with a stomach ulcer.

And because all of this has been happening, I did my grocery shopping online, and they didn't deliver it yesterday. When I called to find out why, I got told that the delivery man knocked on the door and left a card when we didn't answer, but either he made that up or he went to the wrong address, because I was in the living room all day waiting for the fucker to get there and there is no bloody card.

And that was the point that I sort of just... broke. There I was, staring into the depths of my freezer and wondering what kind of meal I could make out of a bag of frozen peas and half a pack of mince, and I didn't even realise I was crying until Ben pulled me out of the kitchen and sat me down on the sofa. Which I then stayed sitting on, staring at the wall opposite for a good few hours. Funny how it's the little things that break you, isn't it?

You ever just want to meet God just so that you can junkpunch him? I kinda want to junkpunch God right now. Like, really fucking hard.

Comments

[snowgall]

Oh my god, that sounds just horrible.

But if this is MS Word we're talking about, doesn't that program do periodic backup saves as you write? It does for me. I would try googling for "how to restore a lost word doc" or "finding word backups" or something and maybe there'll be a chance? I don't want to give you false hope, but I feel like *maybe* all is not lost.

But I totally feel for you.

[snowgall]

Oh, and crucially it may be important NOT to start any other word documents until and unless you recover this one first. Sometimes there's a temp file that only lasts until the next time you open/edit in word.

[lauren3210.livejournal.com]

It did do the occasional autosave while I was writing, but when I say Ben closed the doc down without saving, I mean that when the little box flashed at him and asked him if he wanted to save it before closing, he clicked on the NO button (because he does that, he clicks on things without reading them first, because he thinks he knows everything already). We've tried recovering it, but it's just gone. It should be in the temp file folder but it isn't, so yeah, gone.

Thanks, darling :)

[melusinahp.livejournal.com]

That really sucks. I'm also wondering why it didn't autosave.

Next time maybe type in a google doc? Or periodically email yourself copies of the file?

[lauren3210.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it should have autosaved a temp copy, but I've searched and it's not there. And next time I totally intend to write in gdocs!

[tryslora]

<33 I'm so sorry everything's been going downhill so much. I hope your daughter is okay after the ulcer, and I hope God knows you want to junkpunch him (I'm sure he feels it). I'm really really sorry about your words. Once of the things I fell in love with in Scrivener is that it saves everything automatically. Like... there are no dialogue boxes at all. It just saves constantly. If there's anything I can do to help look again to see if your autosave files are out there (sometimes the directory is different, or word hides them, or the names are awkward) just let me know. OH. Important point that I just remembered (from my own prior trauma). Autosave temp files are often hidden. If you are searching for them manually in the file system and have not checked the "show hidden files" little ticky box, you may not see them because by default, they are invisible to the casual user. So you may need to whip off their invisibility cloak (I am hopeful for you).

[lauren3210.livejournal.com]

I have Scrivener, actually, but it's never really worked for me - I just can't get used to it, lol. And thanks for your offer, it's really lovely of you ♥ Unfortunately, I'm pretty sure I've looked everywhere (I've gone through the directory both from within Word and from the C drive, and looked through the hidden files and no luck) and it's just not there. I'll just have to start again from the beginning, I think. :(

Thanks for your kind words though, sweets, I really appreciate them. xx

[tryslora]

Yeah, I guess Scrivener is one of those things where either it suits the brain or not? I'm one of those can't function without it people.

And oh man, I am so sorry hon. *hugs*

[smirkingcat.livejournal.com]

*hugs*
and really i dont think that worrying over your children counts as small anymore- those are huge troubles because you care and love them a lot and your older daughter really faces hardships you cant quite help her with and that always is hard *hugs some more*
and i'm sorry for the lost story - i hope that you may find the words again
as for the delivery service guy- punch him instead he is closer than god
*hugs again*
i'm sorry i have no advice or anything to give, but i hope that sunshine will find you soon and that luck will find your kids too

[lauren3210.livejournal.com]

Haha yeah, it's just weird how I was dealing with everything fine, until the shopping didn't turn up, and then suddenly I was a complete mess! Thanks for the hugs, sweetie, I really needed them this past week! ♥

[capitu]

Oh no! :((((((((

I'm sorry you missed all those words, Lauren! *MEGA HUGS* I'm sorry it's been that kind of days every day. Sending you all my love. <33

[lauren3210.livejournal.com]

Thank you darling! ♥

[besamislabios]

:((((

All the hugs to you and extra ones for your daughter, hope she's feeling better and I hope things get better for you. ♥

[lauren3210.livejournal.com]

Thank you, lovely! My daughter is feeling a lot better now, although she is not impressed that she has to sit an exam on Monday, which is her 16th birthday, bless her! I've been promising her all the things she wants (mainly body piercings and weird hair colours) once she's got through it all, which seems to help, lol! ♥

[nia_kantorka]

Hope your daughter is feeling better, hon.
It totally sucks about the story, but maybe Try's tip about the hidden files is a good one. Good luck!
*huggles*

[lauren3210.livejournal.com]

Thank you darling! ♥

[zeitgeistic.livejournal.com]

Wait. The ENTIRE 60k? You hadn't saved it at all since you started writing? Word didn't autosave for you? Oh my god. I would have died. I'm so sorry. :(

[lauren3210.livejournal.com]

Yup, the entire 60k, because I hadn't saved it yet. It's stupid, I know, but I had the flow, and I was being superstitious and not wanting to stop and think about what to call it in case it got interrupted - I guess that'll teach me, huh? I'm pretty sure my heart stopped for a moment, and then I cried and then I yelled, because Ben said "the worst part about it all is that you blame me" and I was like, "no, the worst part is that I've lost SIXTY THOUSAND WORDS YOU FUCKER!!!" *Cue things being thrown across the room* Who knows, maybe I'll stop being devastated long enough to rewrite it and it'll be even better? One can hope, right? ♥

[ldydark1.livejournal.com]

I am so very, very sorry after reading all the above.
I never heard the saying, ' junkpunch God,', but I strongly believe this certainly pertains in this case.
I have stood in my living room screaming at God,, over the years, for some tough things I was and am going through.

It is such a tough and hard loss, esp. when you are writing a book, from start to finish in your mind,
and being such a great writer that you are, full of creativity and exacting with your expectations of what you, to have such a unexpected and sudden total loss of it all. I could stand there and cry with you in front of the fridge.

I don't know what to say, except you have my support, care, and ongoing hugs go out to you.

Ladydark1

[lauren3210.livejournal.com]

Thank you, darling! ♥

I've been trying to rewrite it, but I can't get more than a couple of sentences down without comparing it to the original in my head and deciding that it now sounds terrible, so I think I'm going to have to shelve it for a while, maybe write something different until I get enough distance to start again. Hopefully whatever I turn to next will give me just as good a feeling. Thank you for your kind words, I really appreciate them!