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lauren3210I've been writing a book the past few weeks. For the first time in ages, I had the entire story mapped out in my head from start to finish, and every time I sat down to write, I knew exactly what I wanted to say and how to say it. I've been optimistic that THIS would be the time I would actually finish an original story. It was going great, I had 60k words written, and I was on the home stretch... and then Ben borrowed my laptop and closed down the word doc WITHOUT saving it, and now the entire thing is gone. SIXTY THOUSAND WORDS. Thinking about it even now is like a punch to the gut.
We took our kids to see my parents, because they came close to us on their new narrow boat, and my middle daughter fell backwards off the boat onto the tow path, and gave herself a concussion.
My eldest daughter is so stressed about her upcoming exams because the bloody school won't let her stay home for study leave that we had to rush her to hospital on Friday with a stomach ulcer.
And because all of this has been happening, I did my grocery shopping online, and they didn't deliver it yesterday. When I called to find out why, I got told that the delivery man knocked on the door and left a card when we didn't answer, but either he made that up or he went to the wrong address, because I was in the living room all day waiting for the fucker to get there and there is no bloody card.
And that was the point that I sort of just... broke. There I was, staring into the depths of my freezer and wondering what kind of meal I could make out of a bag of frozen peas and half a pack of mince, and I didn't even realise I was crying until Ben pulled me out of the kitchen and sat me down on the sofa. Which I then stayed sitting on, staring at the wall opposite for a good few hours. Funny how it's the little things that break you, isn't it?
You ever just want to meet God just so that you can junkpunch him? I kinda want to junkpunch God right now. Like, really fucking hard.
We took our kids to see my parents, because they came close to us on their new narrow boat, and my middle daughter fell backwards off the boat onto the tow path, and gave herself a concussion.
My eldest daughter is so stressed about her upcoming exams because the bloody school won't let her stay home for study leave that we had to rush her to hospital on Friday with a stomach ulcer.
And because all of this has been happening, I did my grocery shopping online, and they didn't deliver it yesterday. When I called to find out why, I got told that the delivery man knocked on the door and left a card when we didn't answer, but either he made that up or he went to the wrong address, because I was in the living room all day waiting for the fucker to get there and there is no bloody card.
And that was the point that I sort of just... broke. There I was, staring into the depths of my freezer and wondering what kind of meal I could make out of a bag of frozen peas and half a pack of mince, and I didn't even realise I was crying until Ben pulled me out of the kitchen and sat me down on the sofa. Which I then stayed sitting on, staring at the wall opposite for a good few hours. Funny how it's the little things that break you, isn't it?
You ever just want to meet God just so that you can junkpunch him? I kinda want to junkpunch God right now. Like, really fucking hard.
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Date: 2016-04-28 12:50 am (UTC)I never heard the saying, ' junkpunch God,', but I strongly believe this certainly pertains in this case.
I have stood in my living room screaming at God,, over the years, for some tough things I was and am going through.
It is such a tough and hard loss, esp. when you are writing a book, from start to finish in your mind,
and being such a great writer that you are, full of creativity and exacting with your expectations of what you, to have such a unexpected and sudden total loss of it all. I could stand there and cry with you in front of the fridge.
I don't know what to say, except you have my support, care, and ongoing hugs go out to you.
Ladydark1
(no subject)
Date: 2016-04-28 07:01 pm (UTC)I've been trying to rewrite it, but I can't get more than a couple of sentences down without comparing it to the original in my head and deciding that it now sounds terrible, so I think I'm going to have to shelve it for a while, maybe write something different until I get enough distance to start again. Hopefully whatever I turn to next will give me just as good a feeling. Thank you for your kind words, I really appreciate them!